Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Nerves of Tin Foil

I am being tested.

I feel like Jesus, when he was up on a mountain being tempted by Satan. Only... well, I'm obviously not Jesus. (I'm hilariously far from perfect and couldn't grow a beard if I tried.) And the Tempter in question isn't wearing a red unitard and carrying a pitchfork- it's shaped like a sucrose molecule. And I would never say "Get Behind Me, Satan!" because everyone knows sugar automatically goes to your ass anyway. So scratch that analogy. Point being, I'm really trying to stick to the diet that Dr. Hitler Jacome (and company) suggested. But I'd just like to know HOW I'm supposed to do that when the odds are stacked against me.

First of all, Del Taco chose this month to unveil the Orange and Cream Milkshake.
Then, I found a huge Costco-sized box of Brownie Mix in my cupboard.
NOW, they opened a donut shop en route from our house to Maddy's school. And my daughter is aware of it. Very aware of it. Very aware as in asking me seven times a day if we can go before school.

I hit my breaking point. I crumbled... like the topping of the cinnamon roll I consumed in less than twelve seconds. If you happen to be in the neighborhood of Country Club and Monterey, go to Swiss Donut for the Crumb-Cinnamon Roll. Unlike myself, you'll probably be able to enjoy it without hearing the phantom screams of an entire team of medical professionals in your head. If you happen to see some woman, quite pregnant, shoving donuts in her mouth like a fiend as she argues with invisible people, don't worry. It's just me.

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